Thunder Snow (Thunder On The Mountain Series) Page 16

  “But before you explain to me why everyone chose to lie to me, let me tell YOU something. I’m pregnant. Yes, daddy, I’m going to have Jack's baby. NOW how do you feel about not telling me about his WIFE?!” I realized that the shrieking was coming from my mouth, and not one part of me cared.

  “And as soon as he found out about the baby, he left. Poof, like smoke. No contact, no communication whatsoever. Just gone. The high and mighty Jack Franklin that everyone knows and loves. The man that can do no wrong.” Breaking down in fitful sobs, I said, "I’m not sure I can survive this, Daddy.”

  He took me in his arms and led me to the couch. “Oh, sugar, someone should have told you. I’m so sorry.”

  My cries grew even louder. “Someone should have TOLD ME? Oh, Daddy, how could you not have?!”

  “It’s not at all what you think, pun’kin. Any one of us should have told you. I guess we all thought the other would. God knows I told him enough times he had to be honest with you.”

  “Well, he wasn’t.”

  “Listen, Callie. Let me explain.”

  I laid down on the edge of the couch and put my feet in his lap. After he put a blanket over me, his words were quiet, painful. As my father sat absently patting his little girl, he kept telling me that his heart broke for Jack’s and my pain.

  “WHAT? Under the circumstances, how could you have sympathy for someone who could do this to me?”

  “You don’t understand. Jack has been through trauma like few others I have known. You have to give him a little more time to come to grips with your situation.”

  Throwing my legs off of the couch, I sat up, angry. “Are you SERIOUS? Jack needs MY understanding? Are you KIDDING ME?” I knew I was screaming. Tough.

  “Listen to me, Callie, just listen. Jack WAS married. He was married to a beautiful woman named Marcie. They were very much in love. When Marcie was eight months pregnant with their son, a drunk driver ran a red light and hit her broadside. She wasn’t wearing a seat belt, and she was hit on the driver’s side.

  “The baby died instantly. Marcie lived several more days after that. Jack has been up here ever since. Someone should have told you, but I just always thought Jack would, and I didn’t want to interfere. It should make you feel better knowing Jack isn’t married. He hasn’t been leading a double life. He probably just can't bring himself to talk about it. It’s been less than four years.”

  I was completely still, quiet. “Callie? What is it, honey?”

  How many times could my world be rocked by revelations and I maintain my sanity?

  “Nothing, Daddy. Thank you for telling me. I’m very tired now. I’m going to bed. Thank you for coming up. The bed in the guest room is made. Make yourself at home.”

  I turned to make it to my room before I broke down completely. Without turning back, I said, “I don’t mean to sound ungrateful or inhospitable. It is your house, after all, so please, sincerely, make yourself at home."

  What he couldn’t possibly have understood was the intensified heartache this information brought to my life.

  How could I ever compete with the ghost of a dead woman? A perfect dead woman. I would struggle now with the thought that, in my whole life, even if Jack were to come back, I could never replace the woman that had been so cruelly taken from him, the mother of his unborn son. The one that time would make larger-than-life. How do you measure up to something like that? How can you possibly help someone heal from that kind of heartbreak?

  “Listen, honey,” daddy said as he came up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder. “Why don't you think about coming back to town for a while? I hate the thought of you being here by yourself, hours away. At least until you get things figured out and know what you want to do.”

  “I’ll give it some thought, Daddy. I promise.”

  “I’m not gonna stay unless you need me to. I just thought you should know before any more days went by. I didn’t trust Sam to tell you the whole truth. I had no idea Jack wouldn’t have told you before now.”

  “Thank you, Daddy. I’ll be fine. Thank you so much for coming up here to deliver the news personally.”

  As we stood and hugged, I kept telling myself I needed to wait until he left before I could break down. I could hold off another minute or two.

  “Now might be a good time to think about building that house you’ve always wanted. New beginnings. You have a baby on the way. It would be a perfect time to think about it.”

  “That makes a lot of sense. I will definitely give it some thought. And I promise I will come to town in the next few days. I know in my heart of hearts that I’m not going to be able to stay here much longer."

  “That’s my girl. It’s gonna be okay, pun’kin. I promise.”

  Watching him pull out of the driveway, instead of wanting to go to bed, I now wanted so much to talk to Jack.

  Dear Jack. When you left me, my drugs of choice were tragic songs and tears— trying to erase you from my mind, trying to erase us from my memory.

  I would walk in the door and see you here – you filled my world – everything I knew included you. I kept reading your letter, never wanting to believe it was a lie, and wondering how it was possible for you to change so completely, so intensely, so quickly. Why couldn’t you have told me? I have never known someone who could so completely turn it off the way that you did.

  I never understood what happened. Could you seriously not like me anymore after everything we had been through? Was I losing my mind? I know now I have stayed here in the Fortress of Solitude because to leave would mean leaving you behind. I know now I have to do that. I can’t replace what you’ve lost, and I can’t stay here with what I’ve lost.

  Daddy came up tonight. He was concerned when Sam called him and told him I was holed up here. I had been crying for days. I told him about the baby. I told him about how I had found out that you were married. I had never before told him how special our relationship was, but I’m sure he must have known when you built Callie’s Eyrie. I poured out my heart to him about how much I missed my friend; about how much you meant to me and that you had broken my heart.

  I told him about how you motivate, excite, and make me want to be better, and that you had completely rejected me and our relationship. I poured my heart out to him, and he was so solicitous. It was an amazing bonding time. And he told me about Marcie.

  Oh, Jack. I am so sorry. I know I can’t heal that pain for you, but I am so terribly, terribly sorry for your loss.

  The night I met you, for whatever reason, my psyche absorbed you. I still believed what you and I had was special and unique . . . and while we were wildly attracted to each other, it wasn’t just sex, it was mental and emotional also. You know I am a sensual creature. But there was something about what you and I shared that took that to a different plane, a different level.

  In your letter before you left you said it was never very far from the surface, and that is how it always was for me. I was so happy with our friendship and what we had – my body was always so much more aware - my mind was enhanced. But when you left, that changed. I was so wounded that I couldn’t think of anything else. I took it so personally – I took it as such a rejection of me. How could this happen from the man with whom I had shared such heights of passion? I took it as such a question of my discernment. How could I have been so wrong about you, about us?

  And how could it have changed overnight? It destroyed my world. Tragic, heartbreaking songs became my best friend because they touched every fiber in me that had been crushed, rejected, unloved, unwanted . . . and desperate. I listened to them until it was the only thing in my brain. For a while, they even drowned out your voice, your words, your desire . . . your being that existed in my being. And how could you have been so sexually active with me, so daily active with me, so involved with me in bed, on text, email and phone, and then one day not only not want me anymore, but completely slam that door? It made no sense.

  How could I pour my heart out to you, how
could I bleed at your feet, and there was nothing I could say or do that could touch you? Was I that crazy? Was it possible that someone else had come along that you wanted more than what you and I had? Was this total rejection of me? I was heartbroken because what you and I have is addicting, and yet you had the ability to just walk away, and I didn’t. What is it about YOU that causes that in me? I finally realized that nothing I can say, do, see, or hear will duplicate that feeling.

  I have often wondered how you, who could cause it with just a whisper, with just a few words, or even without saying a word, could so easily live without it? That has been a big part of what I have tried to find perspective on. I have not found it yet. When I found out you were married, that you owned all of these houses with your wife, that I had been so blind, I was in a tail spin. How could I, in my entire life, ever trust anyone again?

  I’m not sure which was more shocking. That you were married, or that there actually WAS someone else, the tragically deceased wife. That would all have been so much easier to understand if it had come directly from you. Does it even register with you that my Jack that I knew so well was capable of slamming the door so soundly, and what that might do to me?

  Daddy’s visit helped me a lot. I will be leaving here in the next few days. I just wish you had told me. I think I will probably never understand that part of it. But now I can get on with my life. I fear that as long as I live I will love you. But, like Jason, I will not allow you or anyone else to destroy me.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  I finally had purpose again. I had spent most of the night cleaning and packing. I was going to go and stay in Daddy’s cottage. I would build the house I wanted, and I was going to heal, although right now I wasn’t sure how. I had something to live for again. It still hurt to breathe, but I had gone hours without crying. I packed up the car and then made a final sweep to make sure everything was in order.

  As I was locking the door, the phone rang. It was Jack. My heart raced at the thought of talking to him. I had waited so long for this. I didn’t answer. He left a long message. I erased it without listening. If I was going to start my new life, I didn’t need to hear his explanations now about his perfect wife. I had turned a corner. I was going to make it.

  I stopped at the Amber Rose. One look at me and Sam knew what I was going to say. With tears in his eyes, he held his arms open for me. As I hugged him good-bye, he laughed and said, “This is déjà vu all over again. I lost yer ma and pa jest like this.”

  “You will NEVER lose me, Sam. Never. I just have to go get some things worked out. I’ll be up here often. You think I don’t want my little one to know you? I would never do to you what my parents did. You are a part of me, and part of my little one. We will be back often. But you can’t make me cry right now. I am hanging on by a thread. I have gone a few hours now without crying, but fear what will happen if I start again. Don’t ever stop knowing that I love you, and I’ll be back within the month.”

  “We’ll be sure ta look in on the place til ya get back, pun’kin. It’ll be ready for ya.”

  “Thank you, Sam. What would I have done without you? And you are going to be part of my pregnancy and my little one’s childhood. You won’t get rid of me that easily.”

  As I drove away, I started to cry, but knew I wouldn’t stop if I didn’t get it under control right away. I started making arrangements.

  “Daddy, I took our conversation to heart last night. I’m coming home.”

  “Now?!” He sounded panicked.

  “Don’t worry, Dad, I plan on staying in the cottage for a little while. That is, of course, if you don’t mind. If you do, I'll find a place to rent until I can get a house built. That shouldn’t be a problem.”

  “No problem at all, pun’kin. I was just surprised, that’s all. I’ll make sure everything is ready when you get here. When will that be?”

  “In less than two hours.”

  “You’ve already left? How did you do that so quickly?” It DID sound like panic in his voice.

  “After you left last night, I thought about our conversation. I couldn’t bear to be there without Jack, and since he’s not coming back, I need to get on with my life. Is there a problem, Daddy?”

  “No, no, not at all. I just will have to get things together in a hurry.”

  “Oh, please don’t bother, Daddy. I’m very capable of getting sheets changed and the place aired out all on my own. It’ll give me something to do. You wouldn't have known it last night, but I am a big girl now.” I tried to inject some humor.

  “Oh, and here’s the deal. No talk about Jack, okay? It’s too raw, it’s too new, it’s too painful. There may come a time when I can think about him, but not now. I need to not cry so that I can heal. Is that a deal?”

  “If you say so, but I’m not sure that’s a good idea. I know he had to have loved you."

  “Stop! No! We’re not going to go there. Please, Daddy, respect me in this.”

  “Whatever you say, pun’kin. I’ll leave the timing to you.”

  When I arrived, Daddy was waiting for me at the door.

  “Well, you look a whole lot better than you did last night. Quite a dramatic change.”

  “Thank you. You helped me a lot. If I don’t think about it for now, time will help me. If I think about it, I’ll fall apart. I can't afford that. I have to heal. I have to make a new life for us. I will never trust another man again. I have a baby to think about now. Please help me.”

  “Honey, you and I need to talk.”

  “Not if it’s about Jack.”

  “No, no, I, too, have been keeping a secret from you. Not for any reason other than I know what you’ve been going through the past few months, and I didn’t mean to not tell you.”

  “Is it going to rock my world, Father?”

  “Father. You only say that when you’re being pedantic. I don’t want it to rock your world, Callie, but that will be up to you."

  “Spill it. Now.” I was preparing myself, steeling myself for what he would tell me about Jack.

  “I’ve met someone.”

  It took me a moment to understand what he was telling me. “What?”

  “Oh, honey, I don’t want you to be upset.”

  I started laughing. I kept laughing until I thought I might have lost my mind.

  “What it is, Callie?”

  “Oh, Daddy, why did you think that would upset me? I’m so happy for you!” I said, throwing my arms around him. "When do I get to meet her? Genuinely— if you’re happy, I’m happy.”

  “That’s why I was concerned about you coming here so quickly. She stays here most days, or rather, most nights. I didn’t know if you would think it was too soon after your mom.”

  “You spent years taking care of Mom. You deserve to be happy. And where is she? And what’s her name?”

  “I sent her to the store until I had a chance to tell you. I wasn’t sure you wouldn’t be upset. And her name is Della. We're pretty crazy about each other.”

  “Well, call her and tell her to come home. I have absolutely no problem with it.”

  “Well, good then, because now I have some exciting news for you. You know I have a pretty close relationship with John Montgomery? I called him when I found out you were coming home and told him you wanted to build a house. He is years out for new clients, but he told me he’d meet you first thing in the morning. Being as how he and I go way back.”

  “Are you kidding? Are you being serious with me? Montgomery? THE Montgomery?”

  “Yep, 8:30 at his office. I told him you are one of his biggest fans. He was happy to clear his schedule.”

  “Oh, Daddy, THANK YOU! It will give me something to concentrate on. It will be exactly what I need to take my mind off of the mess I’ve made of the rest of my life. In the meantime, I’m going to go start unpacking. You sure you don’t mind me staying in the cottage for a while? Seriously, I can get a rental."

  “Wouldn’t hear of it. It will be nice. You can get
to know Della. We can share in the excitement of building your house, we can be here for you during your pregnancy. It will work out just great, honey. You’ll see.”

  “Thank you. You’ve been a lifeline to me, so many times.”

  “It’s what fathers are for, honey.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  The next morning was so different than the past few weeks. I woke with some degree of excitement about my upcoming meeting with Montgomery. I knew exactly what I wanted. I had envisioned it for years since I had first become enamored with his work.

  My mind kept going to Jack. My heart would start its yearning cry. It was only the thought of having a new project that kept me sane. I wanted him. I couldn’t have him. Move on, Callie, move on.

  I arrived early. I had always imagined John Montgomery as an elderly, scholarly sort with a neat beard. Maybe he even smoked a pipe. His secretary was older and pleasant. She made me miss Marge. I suppose my hiatus would end sooner than expected. I wondered if I would be able to go back to the cabin and stay. Give it time, Callie, one day at a time.

  “Good morning, Ms. Weston. May I get you some coffee?”

  “No, thank you. I’m good.” I couldn’t believe how nervous I was. Not only was I going to meet Montgomery, but he was going to build a house for me. That was certainly a dream come true.

  “Mr. Montgomery will see you now, Ms. Weston. Follow me, please.”

  The office was classic Montgomery. His signature was all over everything. We walked to the end of a wide hallway and she knocked on the door, waited momentarily, and then said, “You may go in now.”

  I could hardly contain my excitement. I opened the door and entered, but there appeared to be no one there. The door closed behind me, and I turned to see . . .

  “YOU! What are YOU doing here?!”

  He stood in front of the door, blocking my way. “Please let me pass. I don’t know what kind of a sick joke this is, but let me out of here right this minute.”